I feel like I’ve died twice already or The circle of life is making me insane!

Hey everyone that follows my blog I appreciate your support. I have to warn you that this post isn’t the most uplifting or light hearted. Unfortunately this blog is about death, loss, and the aching that follows after losing a loved one. This April a child hood friend of mine was shot and killed. R.I.P. JEFF. Two weeks almost to the day one my closest cousins died due to a medical condition. Before I could fully recover and accept one loss I was slammed with another even deeper cut. It got me to thinking about the after life and what it means, I started doing a lot of research on the subject which took longer than I expected which caused the delay in my post coming out which I apologize for. The three ideas I researched were Heaven, Reincarnation, and Energy recirculation. Let’s start with Christianity; in these teachings it is said that if a person lives their life according to the set laws then they will enter the kingdom of heaven. This idea is a great one, follow the rules and you’re good, so why all the hollering and screaming at funerals? If these ideas hold true then funerals should be, in theory, a celebration instead of organized chaos. Both my friend and cousin were Christians, so why at the funeral did people not want to see them go to the pearly gates that await them in heaven? Did these people not live their lives according to the teachings or was it something else? When I asked an “expert” on the subject I was told that my human mind couldn’t comprehend what lies after. If that’s the case then why are the teachings taught if in the end I’m not going to be able to comprehend it anyway? This left me with more questions than answers and actually made me feel a bit worse than before I started searching so I moved on in search of answers. My quest for knowledge for the great beyond led me to the doors of reincarnation. Oddly enough reincarnation has two roads that one may travel down. Both say that we are all connected through the universe and that once we die our energy is then reassigned to another life form, here is where things get tricky. One believes that the kind of life you lead this life determines what being you will be in the next life. For example; if you were a generally bad person in this life and never treated your fellow man with respect you could wind up a lowly snail, but if you were caring and compassionate then you could have a shot as a majestic wild tiger. The second opinion basically states that when you die your energy will be reassigned to another human but you will not remember anything from your past life. Both scenarios brought up questions for me: one, do animal have souls? And, two, if reincarnation is true then the dog I accidently ran over last week could some day be my son or daughter? It kind of makes you want to be careful of how you treat beings because they could be your parents in the next go round. It would mean that I was once a dinosaur roaming the earth...that’s pretty hard to swallow, I only say that because realistically humans have only been on the planet for a short time and by that merit alone it puts serious unexplainable questions in both theories of heaven and reincarnation. So like a true knowledge junky I continued my search. The last search let me to the recirculation of energy, it states that we are all one in the sense the universe shares the same life line and energy. This theory was briefly introduced in the movie “Avatar”. It says that the energy force that we call our self goes back into a mass energy and gets distributed at certain times into plants and animals. This theory answered my question about where this energy was the hundreds of thousands of years there were no animals on the earth but by this theory there is no consequence or reward for living a “good” life, I don’t like the idea that someone that raped and murdered people with no remorse would get the same treatment as someone that treated all people as brothers and sisters. The whole ordeal left me even more saddened and confused than when I started my quest for an answer. In the end I kinda mushed all the ideas together to form one that gave me some peace of mind. I call it “Heaven is the resting place for my soul until it’s my time to live again”.  No one really knows what is waiting for us when we die, all we have is blind faith in what we believe will happen. Let the ones you love know you care and are proud of them because you never know when the sand will run out of the hour glass of life.