DON'T SHOOT!!! or I think I just messed my pants!!!

This last week of May 2-6, 2011 has been one of the most challenging and eventful weeks I’ve had in a while, well the whole week wasn’t all that stressful it was more like Thursday-Saturday. It began like any other morning: 9:30am, I’m driving on the freeway, 80 to be exact when suddenly I was oowhoped (oowhoped- n. slang, pronounced OOO-whop. Origin- the sound a police siren makes. Meaning- to be pulled over by the police). Now right off the bat I started sweating and why, you might ask, well let me tell you. I was driving my car with a suspended license and no registration; I had insurance and my seat belt on though (lol, a joke). SOOO the officer asks besides my registration is there anything else that is wrong with the car? In my head I’m thinking this may be a test of character or a game the officer is playing so I nut up and tell him my license is suspended, he takes my I.D and walks away. The cop comes back 10 minutes later and ask for my car keys, in my head only one word is echoing……FUCK  .......When a cop asks for your car keys it means you are either going to jail or you are getting your car towed, either way you slice the shit my day is starting off pretty fucked up. Now let me clarify for all the finger pointing critics out there that like to say the cop is only doing his job blah blah blah. I get it, I didn’t pay the bills and he doing his shit but that doesn’t mean I have to like it, I dare you not to cry when the dentist sticks you with that big ass needle, he’s just doing his job right? Right, that’s what I thought. Any way so after 15-20 minutes the cop comes back and ask me to step out of the car, he explains to me that he is going to tow the car, nobody wants to hear this so I sigh and go to put my hands in my pocket, here is where I shit on myself. As my hands hit my pocket the officer screams get your hands out of your pocket and pulls his gun. Now I’m no punk but I was scared, I mean the cop has a glock 6inches from my chest and a crazed look in his eye. I thinking that I about o get shot on the freeway SMH (yea that’s right I used text message lingo in my blog, what you gonna do about it?!!) So naturally I put my hands up, I say to the gun wielding officer I’m trying to give you other key to the car man, the officer replies “Oh ok I’ll get it from your pocket.” He continues to say “Sorry about that, it’s just policy.” All I could say was “Hey, man”. All while he gets my keys and we have our exchange of words my hands are still up, then this cat wants to joke saying “Relax, it’s ok, you can put your hands down now.” People, this man with a damn gun in my face and is now telling me to relax, “I want to relax my foot in your ass,” (that’s what I wanted to say but I was still scared….lol). In the end he shakes my hand and tells my to walk off the freeway. Yes, that’s right, in the course of 30 minutes I got my car towed, a gun pulled on me and sent to walk off the freeway, I almost got hit by a damn truck! What a way to start the day..

Alfred Hitchcock once said “I’m not against the police; I’m just afraid of them.”

I am too Alfred, I am too.

Tales from DMV part 1 or The first installment of the nightmare that is known as the DMV

I was at the DMV today and I witness and heard some of the most outrageous things, these are Tales from the Department of Motor Vehicle. SOOO my day started like most that don’t call in and make an appointment, bright and early standing in line with the rest of the dumb asses with no appointment. While still waking up I was listening to a young woman on the phone giving another young woman advice. The woman I was listening to was telling her friend on the phone not to marry a man that had asked for her hand, the reasoning being because he did not drive a certain automobile OR pull enough money annually. HMMMM? Now it seems to me that if you love a person and a person genuinely loves you then love shall conquer all, rich or poor it should not matter……LOL I’m just bullshiting with you haha. Now I’m not saying that a person has to be rich or drive a certain kind of car, what I’m saying is that if you can’t take care of yourself when you’re alone then it is highly unlikely that you will be able to do it with another person. I know people are going to be in an uproar talking about LOVE is the only thing that matters, I want you to say that when you working twice as hard and a muthafucka is sitting on your couch spending up ya money not contributing. However in this situation I feel that the woman may have been too harsh to the young lady on the other end of that line for the following reasons. 1) The man obviously loves the young lady to ask for her hand in marriage. *WARNING* Unhappy people will HATE on you if you even show signs that you are happy or that your situation is improving and theirs is not. 2) The man (from what I could ear hustle) had a job and made enough money to support himself and take the young lady out on occasion AND didn’t live with his mama *REALITY CHECK* Males and Females, stop being so judgmental and critical of petty bullshit, if you’re not making six figures a year then don’t expect your mate to. Yes, it’s nice to hope and dream for it but if someone can support themselves, buy you shit every once and a while AND loves your stank attitude having ass? ummm hello. 3) The woman giving advice to the young woman on the phone didn’t ask too much about her friend’s potential fiancé, instead was projecting her “baby daddy” action all over this man. *HATERS* Just because your situation is messed up does not mean that everyone’s situation is going to be messed up, stop trying to create pity parties and circles of depression. You are in those situations because of you, no one else. If you don’t like it simply leave the situation alone. More Tales from the Department of Motor Vehicle to come, check in later this week for the rest. AND remember support your local hater, shine all day and all night!!!

Urban Hippie or What did you call me?

    When I started my life coach journey, I had no idea that I that I would be coaching people in my everyday interaction. It’s kind of funny though, while taking your classes they teach you about “gremlins” that pop up in people and how to identify them, you also start to use your “6^th sense” muscle which is pretty F’ing sweet. Before there were things that would happen in my day to day that would really piss me the hell off, now, before I dive into a rage and start throwing shit off my roof, I stop to think about why I am really getting mad. Now I’m not saying that I don’t get mad at shit, I’m saying that it takes more than a simple stare to incite the monster within. To the ignorant mofos reading this don’t stop me on the street and disrespect me because I still may boot you in ya chest for shits and giggles. When I started I was warned that I would start to see things and people in a different light. Those warnings have started to reveal themselves. A new title has been bestowed upon me by my sister, mother and closest of friends. “URBAN HIPPIE” is what she calls me. What is an Urban Hippie? you may ask, well let me tell you good people of the blogging world. An Urban Hippie is one that believes whole heartedly in peace, love and oneness BUT still reserves the right to bust a head if the situation warrants such behavior. This chap can vibe out to the black keys, linkin park, paramour AND will still get down to the sounds of the old lil Wayne, young jeezy and of course the classic Wu Tang, Biggie and Pac. This delightful fellow is enlightened and will post words of encouragement on his twitter then turn around and take a Twit Pic of some poorly dressed slob and post it on his page for the amusement of others. Now I know what you may be thinking: This guy is a straight walking contradiction! While nothing could be further from the truth, it’s actually close enough to give truth a big slobbery wet one. The Urban Hippie strives for peace and serenity on the daily but has embraced the beast that lives the darkest part of his soul. It’s kinda like seeing a Nun walk a lion; the lion won’t attack as long as the nun remains unharmed. However once the nun is harmed and the lion attacks to defend the nun all bets are off because, realistically, how could a nun pull the king of beasts off some random asshole looking for trouble lol (yes I just laughed at my own joke I don’t need your validation lol). So when you see your Urban Hippie walking down the street admiring the beautiful cloud formations please don’t disrespect because you might just get bit.  

H2O and Hgb or The constant struggle between relatives and family...

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs, the ones who accept you for who you are.” Words spoken by a twitter friend shout out @MrTruthIsHere. These words are as he says the TRUTH lol. I would like to take it a step further and say that Relatives are people we have the same genetic make up with and Family are those that we choose and they choose us. On occasion relatives will also be family. I have a cousin named Bop, everywhere we go we introduce each other as cousins, and every time this introduction takes place we receive hard stares and more questions inquiring more about how is this possible. Now Bop is this big Puerto Rican so the looks are to be expected being that I am a black man. It has come to my attention that the people that are closest to you most times are not blood, which leads to me ask what it truly means to be family. In the tribal days you were known by what your village was called then broken down by what house you came from, for example. I am part of the Oakland tribe of the house of Blunt. It seems that in these days the bond among the people was much stronger than it is today. This tribalism even shows itself in today’s society. When a person joins a gang essentially he or she is joining a tribe, he or she will do just about anything for their new found family. Why? Some would argue that the person has been brain washed, in my opinion that’s a bunch of bullshit. Speaking from my experience as a person that has relatives and to a certain extent and a “street family”, you would do anything for them because in the blink of an eye they would do the same for you. I believe that people go out and seek these surrogate families for one of 3 reasons. 1) Protection; in some cases there is strength numbers. It may be to ones benefit to join a gang i.e. prison, in the case your group is the minority in a hostile environment 2) Love; if someone is missing love at home they WILL try to find what they think is love else where in most cases like the song says “Looking for love in all the wrong places”.  And lastly 3) Acceptance; most times your relatives have already planned and plotted your life which for some of us can be a problem especially if you have reached the point of self discovery. When you finally reach that point of knowing who you are (or how you want to be perceived) if only at that moment in time, it is extremely devastating to not get approval from your relatives. So, my people, yes blood is thicker than water but we are 80% water, which means there would not be any blood without water. Choose your family wisely and once you do tell them often that you love them because they love you…

If you want to send me a message, picture or anything of the sort hit me at brandenblunt.blogspot@gmail.com Talk to you soon!!

Finger licking good!!! or What you wont lick she will!!!

Hey guys I have a story for you... For some reason I never thought of people reading my blogs, this week I had a reality check around it. I was going through my day to day and some one comes up to me and says should I just pop it in his mouth or what? I was taking off guard by what the young lady was saying so I replied with “What are you talking about?” she said you know what you said on your blog “Keeping your man fed”. I started laughing and said I suppose it depends on yall relationship, then I started to have fun with it and added “So your pussy doesn’t taste good by its self?” She quickly replied “Oh yes it does, its delicious!” smiling a bit and I asked “So you’ve tasted your own pussy? How did you manage that?” She hit me with an unexpected question. “Women don’t lick your fingers clean after you finger them?” I told her “No they haven’t, maybe I’m not messing around with the right freaks.” She replied smiling a bit “I guess you better find the right one” She slid me a jolly rancher and walked away. In the words of my big cuzo @londonland “OH LIL BABY”. The whole ordeal I admit caught me off guard a bit but also got me to thinking that I may want to get my readers opinions about certain things and possibly start doing interviews. Last week I was chillin with sister and she told me she read my blog and that she was hanging with some of her friends having a discussing about what made some of them start dating women when the topic of my blog came up. Now you guys know I was HELLA intrigued. (For those of you not from the bay area Hella mean very or really, in this sentence it can be viewed as I was really intrigued.) My sister said a lot of the women were saying that they weren’t getting their pussy licked and if a guy did go down, they half ass ate their dinner. To my fellas I recommend that if you don’t go deep sea diving you had better step yo game up cause there are some women that will get their grub on. AND if your lil baby is willing to suck her own juice off you fingers then you had better eat it like shrimp fried rice!!!